Every year, when I make my annual retreat at The Cloisters on the Platte, I arrive with great anticipation. I look forward to the quiet, to putting my phone away, and to giving myself permission to get lost in my own thoughts. It is time set apart to reflect on how I live my life — how I succeed, how I fail, and how faithfully I try to live a life in imitation of Christ.
I almost always arrive with something specific in mind. A question I want to answer. A decision I want clarity on. Something I believe I need to “work through.” And almost without exception, that is not what the retreat gives me.
Instead, I leave with something entirely different.
Ignatian retreats have taught me that discernment is not something we control. We show up with intention, but grace unfolds on its own terms. What I seek and what I find are rarely the same — yet what I find is always what I needed.
Some days at the retreat center are filled with deep reflection and prayer. Other days, I find myself restless, walking the trails endlessly, as if excess energy or anxiety simply needs to move through the body before the soul can settle. And sometimes, I sleep far more than I ever thought possible — a quiet reminder that rest itself can be prayer, and that the body often knows what the spirit needs.
No two retreats are the same. The outcome is never predictable. But every time, something meaningful emerges — a new insight, a softened heart, a deeper trust.
Perhaps that is why we keep returning. Not to get answers on demand, but to remain open to what God is quietly doing within us.
What do you seek when you come on retreat?
And, more importantly, what do you find?